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Escaping the ADHD People Pleasing Trap

Updated: Dec 4, 2023

Do you say "sorry" a lot, over-commit yourself, go along with other people's ideas even if you don't fully agree, and suppress your true self in a relentless pursuit of approval?

ADHDers often experience people pleasing tendencies due to our symptom-driven sensitivity to the emotional pain of failure and rejection.

After a lifetime of being put under a microscope for our symptoms, we become very avoidant of criticism, especially from people who‘s opinions we value.

So to avoid displeasing the people around us and facing judgement again, we often disregard our own plans, needs, or emotional state.

Over time, we can become chameleons: adapting to others‘ desires and forgetting our personal goals and what makes US feel fulfilled outside of pleasing others.

People pleasing tendencies:

  • Apologetic, even for things you didn’t do

  • Saying “Yes“ before you have a chance to think

  • Frequently dropping all of your plans for anyone

  • Downplaying yourself to uplift others

If you want to kick people pleasing habits, consider the following...

  • OIL THOSE BRAKES It’s time to kick the habit of saying "yes" to a request without assessing your capacity first! Practice replacing "yes" with "wait" and ask yourself the following questions...

    • What am I giving up to do this?

    • Do I actually have time for this?

    • Will I be stressed or uncomfortable?

    • Am I leaning towards "yes" because of pressure or fear?

  • IS IT FAIR? Would it be fair for you to expect this from someone else? If they are upset by your refusal, then they probably don't have your best interest in mind.

  • IF YOU NEED HELP MANAGING ADHD EMOTIONS...Healing ADHD Emotions is an 8-week group coaching journey to heal the past and develop emotional regulation skills for life.

Be kind to yourself...For me? ;)

Coach Brooke

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