When the Bullying Didn't Really End: What ADHD Adults Are Still Carrying

When you ask ADHD adults about bullying, most people brace for childhood stories.

Playground teasing. Name-calling.

A few loud, painful memories they’ve learned to live with.

But when we surveyed over 150 ADHD adults worldwide, what came back was something else entirely:

It didn’t stop.

And for many, it still hasn’t.

ADHD Traits That Get Targeted

Most ADHD adults weren’t bullied because they were “difficult.”

They were bullied for being:

• Too loud

• Too emotional

• Too sensitive

• Too different

• Too much

They weren’t hiding who they were, they couldn’t. And that made them visible. Vulnerable. Easy to target.

Sometimes the bullying was overt.

Sometimes it was subtle, professional, polished.

Either way, it was persistent.

It Didn’t Just Happen in Childhood

Across classrooms, workplaces, family systems, and friendships, ADHD adults shared versions of the same story:

“I thought the bullying would stop once I grew up. It didn’t.”

Being talked over.

Being excluded.

Being labeled “unprofessional.”

Being mocked for their emotions, their energy, their pace.

Over 70% of survey respondents said the bullying followed them into adulthood.

The Internal Damage: What Bullying Teaches the ADHD Brain

When you’re repeatedly singled out, mocked, corrected, or excluded, you start to internalize the wrong lesson:

“I must be the problem.”

That belief doesn’t just sit quietly in the background. It rewires how ADHD adults show up:

• Constantly self-monitoring

• Shrinking reactions

• Overthinking every conversation

• Bracing for rejection

• Assuming guilt before blame is assigned

It’s not just trauma. It’s survival mode.

Empathy Becomes a Double-Edged Sword

Here’s the paradox: many of the same ADHD traits that make someone a target are also what make them deeply empathetic.

But when you’ve spent decades absorbing unspoken messages that your reactions are “too much,” you start to question even your care.

Empathy gets weaponized against you. And eventually, it wears you down.

The Therapy Gap and the Shame Spiral

Support didn’t come from “toughening up.”

The ADHD adults who began to heal described something different:

• Understanding their nervous system

• Learning boundaries without blame

• Reframing “too much” as valid intensity

• Releasing shame tied to emotional depth

Many had never heard a therapist name 'bullying' in adulthood. Even fewer had space to unpack how it shaped their self-concept.

For the ADHD Adult Who Still Feels the Echo

If you’re someone who’s still carrying the aftermath - who flinches when interrupted, spirals after a group setting, or apologizes just for taking up space - this part is for you:

You're not broken. Your system remembers.

It learned how to survive exclusion. How to shrink to stay safe. That doesn’t mean you were “too much.”

It means you were unprotected.

And healing doesn’t start with shame. It starts with understanding.

🚨Calling all aspiring ADHD coaches

Help your clients break free from paralysis and better manage their life with 3C Activation® coach training!

💥Gain a proven process for ADHD coaching

💥Earn 38 ICF Credits and 25.5 PAAC CCE’s

💥Learn the latest neuroscience to boost your practice

💥Qualify to be listed under ACO Directory

Save your seat for the Q&A to learn more

All my Best,

Coach Brooke