When Compassion Becomes Too Heavy: ADHD and Compassion Fatigue

Oct 23
2 min read

A person shields another one with their body while their big, compassionate, beating heart is exposed

If you have ADHD and you’ve always been “the helper” in your circle - the one who jumps in, offers support, carries others’ emotions - you might already know how this story ends:

Eventually, you're the one who’s quietly burning out.

A woman comforts another person. She says "I know" while thinking about her own past experience with criticism.

Why ADHDers Give So Much

People with ADHD are often deeply compassionate. Not just kind, but tuned in to the emotional temperature of others.

This can come from years of being misunderstood ourselves.

We know what it feels like to be criticized for things we couldn’t control. And we never want to make someone else feel that way.

So we:

Overextend
Over-apologize
Overcompensate
Over-care

And when we do this over time - without boundaries or recovery - we end up depleted.

A woman looks exhausted and disconnected: displayed by a disconnected plug coming out of her. A man sighs, feeling resentful and drained. A heart beside him has a warning because it's running low.

What Compassion Fatigue Looks Like in ADHD

It’s not just emotional exhaustion.

Compassion fatigue can show up as:

Feeling drained, irritable, or disconnected
Avoiding people or tasks that once mattered to you
Struggling to manage basic responsibilities, including caregiving
Guilt — lots of it — for not “doing enough”
Headaches, insomnia, and fatigue
Decreased empathy or even resentment

It can feel confusing because you still care. But your nervous system is waving a white flag.

One person carries a gigantic heart on their back. Another is looking at a scale with the word TRUE on it. They're assessing their morality.

Why It Hits ADHD Brains Differently

ADHD brains are wired for stimulation and emotional intensity. Our inner world is often running on overdrive: managing rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, or masking to fit in.

Add in the desire to help others and be “good,” and it’s a recipe for burnout.

We often set high moral standards for ourselves to “make up” for our struggles. When those values feel threatened or compromised (by others or by our own exhaustion) it hits hard.

A man is passed out sleeping on the couch while his heart meter recharges

So What Can You Do?

Here’s where I recommend starting:

1. Honor Your Boundaries

Not easy, especially if you’re afraid of upsetting others.

But boundaries aren’t punishments, they’re limits that protect your energy and mental health.

Say it with me:

“A boundary is a limit that I need to honor.”

2. Ask for a Lifeguard

Find a trusted friend who can gently point out when you’re slipping into compassion fatigue. Someone who reminds you, kindly, when it's time to take care of you.