What Holds back ADHDers The Most? (Spoiler: It's Anxiety)

Jun 13
3 min read

For many ADHDers, it’s not just the distraction, disorganization, or impulsivity that hold us back... It’s the anxiety tangled around all of those things.

A woman is stressed as her ADHD, illustrated by a brain with a face and arms, and anxiety, illustrated by a scribbled mess, both evilly smile over her like they're conspiring against her. There's a VS in the middle, on the other side is the reality. A man is having a socially anxious moment. We can see his ADHD and anxiety are actually worried for him. They're trying their best to protect him, the only way they know how. Stress and anxious feelings!

ADHD & Anxiety are besties that can seem like they’re conspiring against us: feeding off each other and making everything feel bigger, heavier, and harder to start.

But here’s the truth:

👉 They’re both actually trying to protect you.

👉 They’re both doing their best to keep you safe from pain, especially perceived rejection and failure.

Unfortunately, their “helpful” tactics often end up holding us hostage instead.

The ADHD brain produces stress. The anxiety feeds off of it.

ADHD and Anxiety Feed Off Each Other

ADHD creates stress as we struggle to juggle symptoms:

Forgetfulness
Disorganization
Emotional dysregulation
Procrastination
Task paralysis

That stress triggers anxiety, which is wired to prevent future pain by worrying about:

What could go wrong
How others might judge us
Whether we’ll fail and disappoint people (or ourselves)

ADHD symptoms fuel anxiety ➡️ Anxiety increases stress ➡️ Which makes ADHD symptoms worse ➡️ Rinse and repeat

A woman is stressed because she knows she's forgetting something. A man is carrying the weight of his perfectionism, in the form of giant stars in a pile on his back.

Common ADHD-Driven Anxieties

Perfectionist Anxiety

“What if I forget something? What if I don’t do it perfectly enough?”

We want to nail it because we’ve been criticized before for missing details, being disorganized, or seeming careless. Perfectionism becomes an attempt to avoid more shame or rejection.

Procrastination Anxiety

“I know I need to start, but I feel completely frozen.”

Tasks feel so big, overwhelming, and vague that our nervous system locks up. The fear of failing or not doing it “right” makes us avoid even starting.

Social Anxiety

“What if I say something awkward? What if they think I’m too much?”

Masking becomes second nature. We overanalyze conversations, replay every interaction, and fear we’ve embarrassed ourselves. ADHD impulsivity mixed with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) creates a perfect storm for social anxiety.

A woman is anxious as her repeating thoughts spiral behind her. "I should be..." "I need to..." repeated over and over creating a wall of anxiety

ADHD-Friendly Tools to Break the ADHD + Anxiety Cycle

For Perfectionist Anxiety... Pre-Decide "Good Enough"

Your brain will always push for perfection, unless you give it a stopping point.

✅ Before you start, decide:

“What does ‘done’ look like for this?”

✅ Give yourself permission to stop once you reach that point.

✅ Progress beats perfection every single time.

For Procrastination Anxiety... Shrink the Starting Line

ADHD makes tasks feel monumentous. The goal is to make the first step so tiny that your brain says:

“Oh... I can do that.”

✅ Instead of “Start the project,” say:

“Open the document.”
“Write one sentence.”
“Set a timer for 5 minutes.”

✅ Often, once you start, momentum builds naturally. If it doesn’t? That’s okay — starting is still a win.

For Social Anxiety... Normalize Your Nervousness

You don’t have to pretend you’re not anxious, you can be honest about it.

✅ Script a few authentic phrases you can use:

“I’m a little nervous, but happy to be here.”
“I get chatty when I’m excited.”
“Sometimes I ramble when I’m processing, but I love talking about this.”

✅ Saying it out loud reduces the pressure to overperform or mask.

✅ And the right people? They’ll actually appreciate your openness.

MORE Social Anxiety Advice... Stop Shrinking, Start Screening

Being “too much” isn’t a flaw. It’s a compatibility test.

The people who truly get you won’t be overwhelmed by your enthusiasm, passion, or occasional awkwardness. They’ll be drawn to it.

And the ones who aren’t? They’re simply not your people.

Your Brain Is Trying to Help (But You’re in Charge)

ADHD and anxiety aren’t working against you — they’re trying to protect you from pain, shame, and rejection. The problem is, their protection plan often leads to avoidance, paralysis, or self-criticism.

The key isn’t fighting your brain, it’s learning how to work with it:

Shrink your tasks.
Name "good enough."
Speak your nervousness.
Redefine “too much.”

Every time you choose curiosity over shame, you break the ADHD + Anxiety cycle a little more. And that’s how you move forward, one small step at a time.

Feel less anxious every day with the strategies you gain in my # 1 Best Selling book/workbook: "Activate Your ADHD Potential"

One Step at a Time,

Coach Brooke