What Makes ADHDers Targets of Bullying - Even as Adults?

Too many ADHDers that I interact with have all experienced bullying at some point in their lives - and many times in adulthood as well!

When we think of bullying, we often picture childhood playground dynamics—teasing, exclusion, or name-calling. But bullying doesn’t always stop after school.

Many adults with ADHD find themselves facing similar patterns of mistreatment in the workplace, in social circles, and even in their own families.

So why does this happen? Why are ADHDers often singled out, misunderstood, or made to feel less than—even in adulthood?

Let’s talk about the underlying reasons, rooted in both neurology and lived experience, and how you can protect your energy, build self-awareness, and stand tall in your authenticity.

Many traits that make ADHDers unique are often misunderstood, targeted, or rejected by peers who don’t know how to respond to differences.

Because of these differences, we often have a desire for belonging - which can lead us to search for it in the wrong places, from the wrong people.

ADHDers tend to think, speak, and act differently, which can make us stand out—especially in environments that value conformity or traditional communication styles. We might:

• Accidentally interrupt

• Speak quickly or with intense passion

• Share more than the other person is comfortable with OR zone out entirely

• Miss social cues or deadlines

To people who don’t understand ADHD, the unexpected behaviors might confuse them or come off as rude. This misunderstanding can invite ridicule or exclusion.

And when someone doesn’t fit neatly into social norms? Unfortunately, they’re often seen as easy targets.

Many ADHDers struggle with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)—an intense emotional reaction to perceived criticism or rejection. Because of this, we may:

• Avoid conflict at all costs

• Tolerate unkind behavior to “keep the peace”

• Apologize too quickly or try to over-explain ourselves

People who bully or manipulate can sense this emotional sensitivity and exploit it. They might:

• Gaslight or shame you for speaking up

• Guilt you into doing things that drain you

• Use your fear of rejection to control or silence you

This creates an environment where it’s hard to set and maintain boundaries—leaving you vulnerable to repeated mistreatment.

ADHD affects how we process and express emotions. We may:

• React quickly when we feel hurt, frustrated, or overwhelmed

• Cry or raise our voice in conflict

• Struggle to “explain ourselves” in a calm, collected way

Bullies may twist or weaponize those emotional reactions to make you look “unstable,” “irrational,” or “too sensitive.”

In toxic environments—like certain workplaces or group dynamics—emotional expression becomes a tool for humiliation instead of a valid signal that something’s wrong.

The long-term wounds of bullying can be seen well into our adult lives.

• Internalized shame and identity struggles

• Deepened RSD

• Increased risk of anxiety, depression, and trauma

• Difficulty trusting others or forming safe relationships

• Academic withdrawal or avoidance

Bullying Happens to Adults too

Bullying doesn’t magically disappear when we grow up. It just evolves—becoming more subtle, more insidious, and harder to call out.

And for ADHDers, who often already feel different, those under-the-surface digs can cut deep.

It can happen at work, in college, in online communities, friend groups, or virtually any social setting where group dynamics exist.

If you’ve ever felt like the odd one out, overly sensitive, or blamed for things that weren't fully your fault—you may have been on the receiving end of adult bullying.

Bullying in adulthood can look like:

• Being excluded from conversations or decisions

• Controlling behavior masked as “helping”

• Gossip, sarcasm, or microaggressions targeting how your brain works

• Weaponizing your emotional sensitivity or RSD

• Undermining your competence or blaming you for team failures

• Mocking your forgetfulness, impulsivity, or disorganization

The hard part? These behaviors are often dismissed as harmless or chalked up to personality clashes. But when they happen repeatedly—especially toward someone who already feels different—it’s more than teasing. It’s bullying.

And when we live with ADHD, we’ve more than likely spent years trying to mask, explain ourselves, or "keep up".

So when these patterns show up in adulthood, they don’t just hurt in the moment—they trigger old wounds of shame, rejection, and self-doubt.

What We Can Do About it

• Don’t Gaslight Yourself We can be so used to years of hearing things like "You’re overreacting", "You need to toughen up", or "That’s just how they are". But when something repeatedly feels unsafe, degrading, or demeaning, it likely is.

• Name the Behavior Just because you're an adult doesn't mean bullying can't happen. Call it what it is. Gaslighting, gossip, intimidation, and passive-aggressive behavior are all forms of emotional bullying.

• Notice Your Body’s Response Your nervous system is wise. If you feel anxious, defensive, or emotionally drained around someone regularly, pay attention. Your body may be alerting you to unspoken harm.

• Build Micro-Boundaries You don’t need to confront every situation with fireworks. Start small:

“I need some time to think about that.”

“I’m not comfortable with this.”

“Let’s revisit this when we’re both calm.”

Each small boundary helps reinforce your self-worth.

• Connect With Safe, Supportive People It's important to have relationships that create safe spaces where you don’t have to mask, over-explain, or brace for rejection. Find people who:

  • Accept your quirks

  • Respect your energy

  • Give you space to show up as you are

This might be a friend, therapist, ADHD coach, or online community. Even one safe relationship can be deeply healing.

• Powerful Boundary Phrases We often struggle with people-pleasing, fear of conflict, or difficulty enforcing boundaries—which bullies exploit.

  • "I’m not okay with that tone."

  • "Please don’t joke about that. It’s not funny to me."

  • "I’m happy to receive feedback, but not when it’s disrespectful."

• Easy Comebacks that Maintain Your Integrity These come from @Jefferson_fisher

  • "How do you feel when you say that?"

  • "Did you mean for that to sound (BLANK)?"

  • "I’m surprised you said that out loud."

• Keep ADHD tools on deck

  • Scripts

    • Prepare a few go-to responses for when things get tense

  • Time-outs

    • Remember that it’s okay to step away and come back to this later

  • External Support

    • Process, plan, and get a third person perspective with a therapist or ADHD coach

  • Visual Reminders

    • Keep affirmations, boundary phrases, or supportive notes where you’ll see them

If you've been the target of bullying—as a child or an adult—because of how your ADHD shows up, please hear this:

💙Your sensitivity is not a weakness.

💙Your different way of thinking is not something to hide.

💙You are allowed to take up space—even if that space looks or sounds different than others expect.

💙This world needs people like you who bring light, creativity, passion, and change.

ADHD may make you more visible to those looking for someone to pick on, but it also makes you more resilient, creative, and deeply empathetic.

The more you understand how ADHD shapes your interactions, the more empowered you become to protect your peace, speak your truth, and surround yourself with people who get it—and who honor the way you show up in the world.

Have you been bullied? Or been the bully? I want to hear your voice!

Sending Love,

Coach Brooke