How to Encourage ADHDers: A Fresh, Compassionate Approach That Actually Works

Encouragement is powerful, but if you have ADHD (or love someone who does), you already know that how encouragement is delivered can make or break its impact.

ADHD brains process motivation, expectations, and emotions differently, and traditional pep talks or pressure-packed “you got this!” energy can often backfire.

So how do we actually encourage someone with ADHD in a way that builds them up, without overwhelming or underwhelming them?

Let’s break it down.

Why Encouragement Needs to Hit Differently for ADHD Brains

For neurotypicals, vague encouragement might be enough to spark confidence. But ADHD brains are wired for intensity, immediacy, and context.

Too much pressure? We shut down.

Too little clarity? It doesn’t even register.

And here’s the real kicker: many of us with ADHD are already fighting a battle in our heads. Harsh self-talk. Fear of letting others down. Feeling like we’re “too much” or “not enough.”

In that emotional storm, encouragement isn’t just a nice-to-have... it can literally help rewire how we see ourselves.

What Doesn’t Work (and Why)

🛑 Pressure statements like “You HAVE to finish this” can trigger overwhelm and resistance.

🛑 Generic praise like “You’re amazing!” often doesn’t land. It feels hollow without context.

🛑 Unsolicited solutions can make us feel misunderstood or dismissed when what we really need is empathy.

We don’t need empty hype. We need encouragement that feels safe, specific, and compassionate.

Enter the L.I.F.T. Method: Encouragement That Works for ADHDers

When in doubt, use the L.I.F.T. strategy to lift us up with encouragement that sticks:

L – Listen First

Before jumping to advice or solutions, just listen. Reflect what you hear. Validate the effort being made.

“I see how much you’ve been trying.”

“That sounds really tough. Thanks for telling me.”

We don’t need fixing, we need to be seen.

I – Identify Strengths

We thrive on specific, tangible praise. Instead of vague compliments, highlight something real.

“You explain things so clearly. It makes a difference.”

“You’re incredibly resourceful. I love how you solved that.”

ADHD brains need evidence to internalize encouragement. It helps rewrite the “I’m not good enough” narrative many of us carry.

F – Frame Positively

Replace pressure with belief. Avoid commands that feel like demands, and frame things through trust and past successes.

“You’ve handled bigger things before. I know you’ve got this.”

When encouragement is pressure-free, it becomes possibility-rich.

T – Tie to Autonomy

We thrive on choice—not control. Offer support, not supervision.

“What would make this easier for you?”

“Do you want me to sit with you while you get started?”

This kind of support isn’t about taking over... It’s about holding space while someone builds momentum.

BONUS: Make the Demand Disappear

Sometimes, even the idea of a task is enough to shut us down. That’s where this last tip comes in (possibly my favorite):

✨ Hide the demand in something fun

💡 Fold laundry only while watching trash TV.

💡 Do admin work with your favorite playlist on loop.

✨ Break it into dares

💡 “I’ll just open the doc.”

💡 “I’ll just put my shoes on.”

✨ Outsource your willpower

💡 Text a friend: “Ask me in 10 if I did it.”

This isn’t about tricking ourselves... It’s about respecting the brain we have and working with it, not against it.

Final Thoughts: Encouragement Is Connection

As a coach who lives this every day, I’ll tell you this: the most effective encouragement isn’t about adding pressure, it’s about L.I.F.T.ing it. It’s reminding someone they’re already doing better than they realize. It’s helping them rebuild belief in themselves, piece by piece.

Whether you’re parenting, partnering, coaching, or simply loving someone with ADHD, remember: encouragement connects. It L.I.F.T.s. It works. And it’s felt deeply.

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You've Got This,

Coach Brooke