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“Can We Save Our Marriage? Should We?” ADHD Marital Problems Compounded by the Pandemic


“I have been married to my partner for 15 years. I have ADHD and he doesn’t. Spending 24 hours a day together during the pandemic has damaged our relationship. I’m not sure we are truly compatible now that we’ve gotten to know each other better than ever. He seems to dislike me. My symptoms — forgetfulness, losing my keys, losing focus — bother him. His neurotypical symptoms — lack of empathy, making me feel bad about forgetting things — bother me. I have recently thought hard about divorce. Is there any way to save this relationship?”

I have coached hundreds of adults with ADHD, many of whom work from home with a partner present during the pandemic. Without a doubt, I’ve seen an increase in breakups, divorces, and negative feelings between partners in this time.

You write that you have “thought hard about divorce.” As adults with ADHD, we ruminate on our negative thoughts, which can cause “analysis paralysis” to kick in. This makes it hard to make decisions about many things — including our relationships.

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