When ADHD Feels Like Too Much… And You’re Told You Are

If you’re an ADHD adult, chances are you've been called too much more times than you can count.

"Too emotional."

"Too reactive."

"Too sensitive."

"Too dramatic."

More than feeling things deeply...we feel everything, all at once. And there’s no volume knob. No dimmer switch. Just full blast.

You can walk into a normal conversation and walk out needing silence, space, or a complete emotional reset… without knowing what even hit you.

But here’s the truth that most people miss:

Emotional Intensity with ADHD Isn’t a Mood Swing

We're not unstable, irrational, or out of control.

It’s:

• Excitement that floods your body like electricity

• Frustration that hits fast and physically

• Sadness that feels like a gut punch

• Joy that consumes instead of casually passing through

There’s no slow build. These emotions land fully formed.

And when they show up, they don’t just exist...they interrupt your workflow, derail conversations, and change the entire tone of your day.

And trying to push them aside? Makes it all louder.

Why It Feels So Personal

Neurotypical regulation is usually taught as:

Think your way through it. Calm yourself down. Move on.

But for ADHD adults, it’s:

Feel first. Think later. Process... eventually.

That gap between the feeling and the processing? That’s where the shame creeps in.

Where confusion takes over.

Where you start blaming yourself for being “too much.”

Regulation Isn’t What You’ve Been Taught

You don’t regulate by calming down after the explosion.

You regulate by preventing the explosion from hijacking you in the first place.

That looks like:

• Catching early signals

• Reducing sensory overload

• Allowing quiet recovery without explanation

• Not forcing logic mid-meltdown

Trying to “talk yourself out of it” usually backfires because the ADHD nervous system doesn’t speak in logic.

What ADHD Adults Actually Need

You don’t need to be told to “calm down.”

You need:

• Slower conversations

• Less urgency in conflict

• Space to return once your body settles

Emotional repair works best after regulation, not in the middle of intensity.

And most importantly: Your intensity doesn’t need fixing.

What needs fixing is the internal script that kicks in after:

“Why am I like this?”

“I ruined everything again.”

“Why can’t I just chill?”

The spiraling self-talk, the shame hangover, the pressure to reset faster than your nervous system can manage...that’s the part doing the damage.

Emotional intensity is how some nervous systems move through the world.

Fast. Deep. All at once.

That depth often comes with strong empathy, sharp intuition, and powerful connection (and it also means needing more space to come back to baseline.)

Nothing about that makes someone “too much.”

It just means their recovery window matters.

Be Gentle on Yourself,

Coach Brooke